


this body is yours and mine

by orphan_account



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 09:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4516827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 2x20.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this body is yours and mine

**Author's Note:**

> Title from a Vance Joy song. I don't own anything you recognize, I'm just trying to fix Hollstein.

Laura wakes up to the sound of a growl in the middle of the night. She sits up, takes a quick glance around the room, and - after deciding there’s no immediate danger - lies back down on the chaise she’s claimed as her own. From where she is, she can still hear the low hums of voices from the kitchen. She’d fallen asleep listening to Mattie and Perry arguing in soft tones so as not to disturb Carmilla and it seems she’d also woken up to it.

She’s about to fall back asleep when the growl sounds again. It’s one of pain and she tells herself she doesn’t care at all that the sound seems to be emitting from the bedroom that Carmilla’s occupying, but it’s no use and she’s already on her feet and on her way to call for Carmilla’s _dear_ sister before she can even really think about it. It's harder to feign apathy in the dark, she's found. There's more silence in her head after the sun goes down and Carmilla fills it like she has been for the past few months.

Before Laura can even reach the door, though, she hears a groan and then her own name slipping out of Carmilla's mouth like she's doing everything to hold on to each syllable, but it fights its way out anyways. Despite herself, Laura changes directions and heads for the two open doorways that lead to the bedroom.

Her first thought is that Carmilla doesn't look right. People on their deathbeds always look small, but there Carmilla is, her body spread out on the sheets like it would be if she was reading. She _does_ look paler than usual and there _is_ a tinge of complete exhaustion in her eye. Laura supposes Carmilla _can_ do something right once in a while.

"Hey." She says, walking to stand at the foot of the bed. Carmilla only looks at her through half closed eyes. Laura doesn't understand why there is all of a sudden an ache in her chest.

There's a moment when Carmilla seems to want to say something, but decides against it and closes her eyes instead.

"Do you need me to get Mattie?"

There's silence until, "Why are you even here?"

"You said my name."

Carmilla groans then, a sound so terrifyingly painful to Laura's ears that she throws the whole act out the window and abandons the spot she's been standing in at the foot of the bed in favour of grabbing Carmilla's hand and sitting herself down on the bed next to its owner. She tries to ignore the way she still interlaces their fingers on instinct and how Carmilla doesn't protest when she does so.

"I didn't." Carmilla says with a wince.

"Okay." Something that small doesn't matter anyway, not when Carmilla's still hurt like this. "Do you need blood?"

"Mattie said she'd get some more in the morning." Carmilla's voice comes out gravelly as she turns her head to point Laura to the empty blood bags on the bedside table. "When they're not watching for us as closely."

"Okay." Laura uses her free hand to push Carmilla's hair back from her face. She feels a little twinge in her heart when Carmilla lets out a little sound of contentment. Careful not to startle her, Laura brings her hand down to cup Carmilla's cheek and brush her thumb over a cheekbone. "I can sit with you, if you want. Until you fall asleep."

She doesn't get a reply, but she doesn't leave until Carmilla's breathing evens out and the hand she's holding goes slack.

 

* * *

 

The next night is much of the same, Laura wakes up once again to Carmilla in discomfort, but this time her groans are quieter. Like she's holding the sounds back from filling the room. Laura doesn't know where Mattie is, nor does she really care, and she pads towards the bedroom before she can talk herself out of it.

"Hey." She says as softly as she can manage.

"Hey." Carmilla greets her in return.

Laura decides it's safe to approach so she skips the standing and goes straight into taking Carmilla's hand in her own.

"Does it hurt bad?" She asks, unsure if she's allowed to be this concerned and deciding it doesn't matter right now. Whatever problems she and Carmilla have can wait until her ex is back to her snarky self.

"Not as much. Anymore." Carmilla's looking down at their joined hands. "It just stings a little when I breathe."

"Do you need to?"

Carmilla eyes meet hers and Laura has to turn her head away because holding her ground against that intense stare has never really been her strong suit.

"In the coffin," Carmilla says,"I didn't breathe."

Carmilla doesn't fall asleep for a long time after that.

 

* * *

 

Laura finds a pattern the next few nights. Carmilla growls loudly after the days when she runs out of blood and Mattie can't provide more until the morning, when Vordenburg's watch on campus is a little looser.

Laura doesn't get any sleep at all during particularly rough nights. On a night that it gets so bad that every second consists of Carmilla's pained groans and ragged breathing, she doesn't bother announcing herself as she enters the room, opting instead to head straight to Carmilla's bedside.

"Where's Mattie?" Laura asks, settling into her usual position, her hip tucked against Carmilla's.

"Sneaking around." Carmilla breathes out, her grip on Laura's hand tightening. "We're out again."

Laura notices the way Carmilla's skin is cold to the touch and decides that she herself has enough blood to spare.

"I don't mind if you - " _What is she doing, offering to be her ex-girlfriend's human juice box?_ "I used to give blood every month before I left home, you're probably doing me more of a favour than I'm doing you - "

"I'm not in a state where I can fully understand your rambles, cupcake."

"I'm saying," Laura huffs, annoyed. "you can have some of my blood."

"No." Carmilla says. And that was the end of that.

 

* * *

 

Five nights later, Mattie goes out again, having been unsuccessful the past few nights. Her face is beginning to look ashen from the lack of blood she, too, has been experiencing. Laura sees her off.

"Drink before you even think about bringing any back for Carmilla." She says, surprising herself, and Mattie judging from the note of laughter that the woman lets out. "You're no good to either of you if you're starved too."

"And how will she get by if I only manage to conjure up a blister of blood from the laboratories your friend swears by?"

"She has me."

Laura's not sure where the words have come from, but she's not surprised by the challenging tone that accompanies them. Between her and Mattie, she thinks, will always be a competition on who can take care of Carmilla the best. Laura knows - with the break-up and indirectly being the reason Carmilla had an arrowhead lodged in her chest - that she's losing, but Matska Belmonde has a way of making her feel like she was never playing the game in the first place.

"You know, Lois Lane." Mattie says, her voice shaky. "For someone who claims to hate my sister, you sure do a lot for her."

"I never said I hated her." Laura replies, tilting her chin up in defiance.

"Well, she certainly believes you do." Mattie almost winces when Carmilla makes a noise halfway between a whimper and a shout that echoes throughout the house. "I'll be back before morning."

After Laura locks the door behind her, she heads straight for Carmilla's bedside. By her count, it's been about six days now since Carmilla's last had blood and it shows clearly in her face. She remembers that Carmilla lasted more than a week all those months ago tied up in their dorm room, but the conditions are different, and Laura's afraid she won't have as much time on her hands before Carmilla's seizing in hunger. Sitting here now, worried sick for a vampire she never thought she'd care about, the dorm room seems like a completely different world.

"Hey." She says, reaching her hand out and having to swallow down a fluttering in her chest when Carmilla meets her halfway. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I have an arrow in my chest."

"Oh come on." Laura tries for lighthearted, but falls short. "You look a lot better now than you did when you actually _had_ an arrow in your chest."

Carmilla's eyes flash, "And yet you used my injuries as blackmail against my sister instead of fetching the Bio major for help, which, even for you, is a different kind of cruelty."

"She loves you, she was always going to agree - "

Carmilla pulls her hand away and Laura feels the loss of contact like a punch in the gut. Careful not to disturb Carmilla, she rises to her feet.

"You're unbelievable." Carmilla says, her words slurring together. It hits Laura that this is what she looked like just before she almost passed out from lack of sustenance. Her eyes almost completely white, her lips a light pink, the bags under her eyes prominent. Laura takes a step closer to the bed when she slumps back against her pillows. "I _stayed_ for you."

"Carm." She tries to ignore the way the words make a lump form in her throat and focuses on rolling up the sleeve of her sweater instead. She still cares much more than she's willing to admit. "You need blood."

"I'd rather be staked than owe you any favours."

"We don't have to talk about it afterward or acknowledge that it even happened. In fact, we can pretend it didn't. I'll even stay away if you want me to for the rest of the time that you're here. I just - please just do this for me." She sits back down, her left wrist bared in front of Carmilla's face. "You're going to pass out and feel worse if you don't, so _please_."

The room is silent for what feels like hours to Laura before Carmilla speaks.

"Neck." She says weakly. Laura sweeps her hair away from the side of her neck immediately, tilting her head in invitation. Carmilla grabs a hold of her hand to stop her. "That's your jugular. I'd kill you."

It's easy enough to push the hair away in the other direction while Carmilla sits up. Laura closes her eyes when she gets closer, preferring not knowing instead of anticipating the bite. She feels Carmilla's breath against her skin before she feels Carmilla's lips press a kiss there.

"It's going to hurt."

"I know." Laura replies, tempted to throw in a _get on with it_ , but restraining herself from doing so. "You've bitten me before."

"Not like this."

"I don't care."

Carmilla grunts before moving in closer, one arm braced behind her, palm against the mattress while the other is clutching at the material of Laura's sweater at her shoulder. There's a sudden shift and Laura finds herself grabbing at Carmilla's arm to keep from toppling over. The bite hurts, but it's a welcome sting. Especially with the knowledge that Carmilla _needs_ this.

After the initial pain, it doesn't hurt quite as much as Carmilla had threatened. In fact, it feels similar to giving blood and she makes a mental note to drink juice sometime after it's over. The way they're pressed together means Laura can feel Carmilla's heartbeat against the side of her chest. She takes pride in the fact that it strengthens with every minute that passes.

Much quicker than Laura expects, Carmilla pulls away. Laura feels a little bit lightheaded and she would have fallen forward if it weren't for Carmilla catching her by the shoulders.

"Alright, cutie?"

"Splendid." Laura murmurs as Carmilla rearranges them so that Laura's lying on the bed beside her. She feels sleepy, as if she'd taken multiple shots of liquor very quickly and is now sobering up. Carmilla's fingers ghost over her neck.

"Sleep should help." Laura's eyes are closed and her senses are dulling, but when Carmilla kisses her cheek, it's like she can feel it all the way down into her bones. "Thank you."

"Whenever you need it." Laura replies.

Yeah, that sounds a lot like _I love you_.

 

* * *

 

She wakes up with her face pressed against the side of Carmilla's neck, an arm thrown over Carmilla's abdomen. She's comforted by the fact that Carmilla seems to have a grip on her, too.

She'd missed this, falling asleep and waking up to Carmilla's warmth. Oddly enough, it's where she feels the safest. Well, maybe not so oddly considering that Carmilla, a centuries old supernatural being who can bench press a Mazda, seems willing to put herself between Laura and whatever danger should present itself. At least she seemed willing to, before.

Before Laura had gone and royally screwed it all up.

"Carm?" She mumbles, extracting herself from their sleeping position and sitting up. Carmilla blinks her eyes open at the sound of her name. Already, she looks much better. There's more colour in her cheeks and she looks more alert and aware than Laura's seen her since she got shot. "Carm, I'm sorry."

Carmilla sits up, too, and the feeling of being wrapped up in her arms is too much. Laura's crying into Carmilla's shoulder before she even registers what's happening.

"Thank you." Is all Carmilla says.

 

* * *

 

It doesn't change anything.

Laura tells herself that it doesn't matter, that she's not surprised by it, but it still leaves a bitter taste in her mouth when Mattie announces to all of them one evening that she and Carmilla will soon be on their way to France.

"We'll be out of your hair by tonight." Mattie says more to Perry than anyone else. The others seem to be interested in the exchange, but Laura's eyes and feet follow when Carmilla gets up from where she's sitting and walks towards the bedroom.

She's not quite sure what she intends to do once Carmilla stops walking and starts packing clothes into the duffel bag on the bed, but whatever it is flies out of her mind and the only thought left is the one that comes out of her mouth.

"You're leaving?"

"It's not like I have anything to stay for." Carmilla replies, walking past Laura to examine the pile of clothes at the foot of the bed. She looks up at Laura. "Right?"

Laura wants to say no, she wants to say _I'm something to stay for_. She wants to say _I'm sorry_ and _please don't leave_ and _I am so very stupid_. She wants to take back everything that she's done over the past month, wants to be back in that hayloft with Carmilla's soft laughter in her ear or in the solarium, Carmilla's smile pressed against her hipbones. But instead, she's standing in this cold room and the distance between them seems insurmountable.

Laura swallows down the apprehension in her throat, " _Every fairy tale had a bloody lining_."

The words hang between them for an infinite amount of time.

"Alice Hoffman said that."

"Yes." Laura takes a step closer and tries not to lose her nerve. " _Every one had teeth and claws_."

"You can recite text at me. Impressive." Carmilla's voice is dripping with sarcasm. She shakes her head and goes back to sorting through the clothes. Laura reaches out to touch her elbow.

"I'm stupid and _young_ and I didn't understand then that things can be good and bad at the same time. That someone doesn't have to be this perfect, knight in shining armour saving children to be _good_." Laura tries to convey what she's feeling in her chest in the way she's looking at Carmilla, but Carmilla's eyes are closed. "I didn't get that just because someone saves you once, doesn't mean they're obligated to save you again."

"And you understand all of that now?"

"Not really. Maybe a little." Laura laughs a little as she steps even closer and moves so that she has a hold on both of Carmilla's elbows. When Carmilla doesn't protest, she dares herself and presses their foreheads together. "But I do understand that I don't want you to leave and that maybe it's a month too late, but I love you. And I'm sorry."

"Laura - "

"I'm not asking you to stay." She clarifies, shutting her eyes tighter to fight back the tears that threaten to leak out. "It's dangerous here for you and Mattie. I'm asking you to _come back_."

Carmilla sighs then and Laura revels in the way she can feel Carmilla's breath against her skin again. Their noses touch and draw apart, and bump together again.

Laura doesn't realize until later on that Carmilla was nodding at her words.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
